it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
