We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
