dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
