For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
