wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
this boner is exhausting
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
