And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
