I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
