i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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