I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
