oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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