You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
