i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
