when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
