i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
