i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
