Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
