No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
