apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
