we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
