I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
