Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
