Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
