i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
