his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
