Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
