Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
