i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
