forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
