Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
