does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
