Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
