cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
