Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
