i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
