it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
