Dude my mom stole all your condoms
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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