Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
