me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
