Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
