How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
