I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I smell like Dick and happiness
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
