its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
