it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
