so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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