Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
