You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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