Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
