What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
