Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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