i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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